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September

Journal Entry: Mon Sep 1, 2014, 1:47 PM
Blood on the Dance Floor

Its the month my family fell apart....

Last year shit hit the fan between my parents which shattered my world and made life the way it is now. I elude to it all the time when talking to my friends, because I want to talk about it, but they never take the bait. Soooooooooooo since no one reads my journals unless they are tags, or when I state no one reads my journals then people comments, here's what's been going on with me.

Depression!

My parents are doing okay now. Their marriage is still going and I guess it's better this way. However there has been money problems since my father got a new job that pays way less than the old one, but working conditions are way better. This has caused some new problems in my family. There's no money at the end of the month. Tomorrow my dad's check will come in and we will have money to pay for bills and food. We are living from pay check to pay check now. I am in one of those families now. :C I guess I should consider myself lucky to never had to worry about money problems in my childhood, but now I do. My mother works and gets a paycheck each week but that's not enough. My brother works now as a pizza delivery boy but most of his money goes to gas. He gets tips but people tip only like dollars. So this is why I have been mentioning about doing adoptables. If I can make enough money to pay one bill or buy food, I would be helping out greatly. The only one without a job and with a medical condition has made me feel like a burden on others.

I used to feel useless on my wikias until a recent event that actually made me use my admin powers. Wasn't the best time to be dealing with that, but maybe it was what I needed to get me feeling less useless and "unnecessary." I fear however I won't be around next year as much because of the money situation but we will see. My wikias and friends there have been my relief from reality and allow me to just have fun. Nothing wrong with having fun, but now it feels like it's gonna be taken away. That's been on my mind a lot lately and at first it was a bad thought. But then things on one of my favorite wikias started to just suck for me. Another admin being a bitch and my friends suddenly getting mad at me for trying to make things better. Made me think maybe it would be for the best to leave, just walk away. But then what? Where would I got then?

Well I got the Tibumeru group to go to. Everyone loves Moray there. :3

I spend a few days away from the wikia to recover but I was forced to come back. Still I wanted to see what it would be like if I wasn't there. Would they miss me? I think they did but not one has messaged me. Well I can't blame them with what has happened there. I never left, I couldn't. That makes me angry. But maybe this was a sign or something.

I am okay with giving up things to spend less money. Just don't take my happiness away.

"You gotta spread out the little happiness's amongst the hell we live through," ~ Dante


It's the little things now a days that keep me going. The nice weather, siding outside away from my computer, tea, the warmth of my dogs'. It seems the source of most of my problems are coming from the computer. From other people online. But I guess this is what happens when you interact with others. I learn something about friendship not taught in MLP. With a relationship, friendship, both parties need to be getting something positive out of it. Now when most people are in a friendship relationship, they normally don't thing about what the other person needs in this relationship. They thing of "what do I need from this person?" And what do you need? Someone to talk to? Someone to hang out with and just be yourself around? Companionship? A shoulder to cry on? Those are the things that keep you in the relationship.

But what does the other person need? Why do they stay your friend? Are you there for them? Do you listen? Are you considerate to their feelings?

I believe this is how my friendship with Bleck died. At first it was okay but over time, we had just to different ideas and we became less considerate of what the other needed. Learn this lesson too late but I think it was for the best. Maybe I wouldn't have learned it in the first place. I don't want that friendship back though. I have new friends now and I need to keep their relationships alive. Why are they my friends? Gotta remember that.


Something that bothers me whenever I am depressed. When I tell people, they tell me not to be. Okay I never thought about that before. Just don't be depressed. Oh my god! Really? Well I guess people just don't know what to say and yes I have said it to other people. But it never really helps the situation. If I could choice to not be sad then I would, but I can't. Life doesn't work that way. There's a problem and source of the depression and it needs to be found and corrected. I seem to absorb every negative emotion I felt over a long period of time, before I crack and break down. I noticed a pattern. This seems to happen every three months. Then I break down and cry my little head off. I have learn seeking help from others doesn't work. At least from people who haven't been through depression themselves. If you haven't experienced it then you don't understand. Like when people who don't have kids give people who do advice on how to raise them. Until you have kids you don't know what it is like. It's the same thing with depression. But I shouldn't expect some kind of philosophical responds from my friends. They heard me and responded. That's good enough. c':

It does feel like a lot of my friends are being taken away because of school.

To sum this whole blog up:

Emotionally I'm done

Mentally I'm drained

Spiritually I'm dead

Physically I smile

That's been me for the past few days.

  • Mood: Neglect
  • Listening to: Despondecy - Zneider

deviantID

Aniju-Aura

Artist
United States
Current Residence: Earph
Favourite genre of music: Techno, Eclectic House, Dark Electronic House, Goa, Trance, Industrial Music
Favourite style of art: Whatever interest me
MP3 player of choice: Anything that plays me some music
Shell of choice: Sea shells!
Wallpaper of choice: The kind that comes off easy
Skin of choice: Skin Cells
Favourite cartoon character: That one guy from that one show
Personal Quote: "Art Loves Music"


I Love Meerkats by Cackleberry Meerkat M. Stamp- Shakespeare by MeerkatManorFanClub Meerkat Manor Stamp- Mozart by MeerkatManorFanClub Meerkat Manor Stamp- Tosca by MeerkatManorFanClub Meerkat Lover Stamp by Meerkat-Gal KMP - Stamp by Simply-Jax Animal lover. by Monster-Boar Bats Are Cute Too by genkistamps I Love Rats Stamp by NickiStock Black moors. by Monster-Boar techNO FOREVER stamp by DeviantSith Electronic Music Stamp by xXCougarXx Trance Stamp by rustyrayz BOTDF stamp by zombisu ...AFI... by sophie12345 Linkin Park Stamp by Sora05 Stamp -Shade- 2 by Metal-Teccbad Warriors Stamp by Liefhouse Watership Down Stamp by StampAG .:Bakugan stamp.: by Romerade The Hunger Games Stamp by TwilightProwler Skyrim by skinnyveestamp Fus Ro Dah - Stamp by suzidragonlady Skyrim Khajiit Stamp by WeirdHyena M'aiq stamp by THODRAGONFIRE Dark Brotherhood - Cicero Stamp by VirulentRequiem Paarthurnax stamp by MorgantheKeaton Odahviing Stamp by MorgantheKeaton Alduin Stamp by AuriV1 Black Ace Stamp by FragmentChaos Friendship IS Magic by Mistralla I Love Jumpstyle - Stamp by Eternalskyy Deino Stamp by ToxicRainbowCupcakes Melbourne Shuffle Stamp by Tripp-X-Foxx Phat Pants, stamp by JazzaX DAD by Anleva Cybergoth by BL00DIEDHELL Love Digimon and Pokemon Stamp by Mysticom Stamp: Morgan Freeman, God by senshuu Tardigrade Love Stamp by kyphoscoliosis
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:iconnazgul-w:
Nazgul-w Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconthanks4fav: ^^
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:iconaniju-aura:
Aniju-Aura Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014
You're welcome! :D
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:iconblueshuffleofficial:
BlueShuffleOfficial Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014
YOU'VE BEEN HUGGED!!!!!!! [EXO] Taohan Emoticon [EXO] Taohan Emoticon [EXO] Taohan Emoticon 
Spread the DA love around! (you can copy and paste this message on their userpage!)

RULES:
1- You can hug the person who hugged you!
2- You -MUST- hug 10 other people at least!
3- You should hug them in public! Paste it on their page!
4- Random Hugs are perfectly okay! (and sweet)
5- You should most definitely get started hugging right away!
Send This To All Your Friends,And Me If I Am 1.
If You Get 7 Back Your Loved!
1-3 you're a bad friend
4-6 you're an ok friend
7-9 you're a good friend
10-& up your loved
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:iconstormserene:
StormSerene Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  New member Hobbyist Writer
Storm Serenity here :3
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:iconaniju-aura:
Aniju-Aura Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014
Thanx! *lick*
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:iconblueshuffleofficial:
BlueShuffleOfficial Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2014
Hey Aniju c:
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:iconaniju-aura:
Aniju-Aura Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2014
:meow:
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:iconhopesunset:
HopeSunset Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist
Hey! I'm leading "59 questions to the Vivian". They will be answering in the interview. Everyone can put as many questions as he wants to(under my journal), but you can't copy others' questions.
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:iconlei-ren:
Lei-Ren Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist
Thanks for the fav! :happybounce: 
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:iconaniju-aura:
Aniju-Aura Featured By Owner May 4, 2014
You're welcome! ^u^
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